SHAME; as a way to manipulate, control, and exploit. And how that can sabotage our mental health [first draft]

 Stoicism,

as an emotionally objective and durable frame of mind,
is a pursuit threatened
and often sabotaged
by many possible sources.

One of the things that can stand in the way of being Stoic
is ~Shame~.

In some cases, shame can be a force of positive change.

Feeling shame for something shitty we’ve done … can motivate us to become better people.

Everyone wants to be able to look in the mirror and like the character of the person they see;

-even though each person is unique, when it comes to what they consider to be good character. 

And yet,
for some people,
shame can become an emotionally and psychologically crippling burden.

Worse yet, …
Shame isn’t always well-reasoned. So a person can end up feeling badly about themselves … for things that actually aren’t objectively bad, or (at least) aren’t objectively ~that bad~.

Sometimes, the only reason a person thinks something is ~shamefully bad~
(about themselves. Or about someone else)
is because:

Someone else
unscrupulously manipulated their headspace.

This gets discussed quite often
in support groups for survivors of abuse;
including domestic abuse and religious abuse.

Some religions are notoriously abusive, in this way.

As an important disclaimer, I should point out:

Some religions do NOT instill poorly-reasoned and toxic amounts of shame … as a way to create psychological dependence … used to leverage control over the minds of others … in order to perpetuate a system of control and exploitation.
But some certainly do.


And while that often happens to children raised in those religions (or “faith-based” environments), …
It can also happen to adults; adults who were lucky enough to grow up ~without~ that happening to them … only to be blind-sided by it as adults;
- caught in a trap set by socio-political predators.

Do those trap-setters always realize they are behaving as a predator?
No. Some honestly believe they are trying to help people.

For example:

I don’t think “Ray Comfort” has injurious intentions,
when he sets up stations on college campuses, …

to target people who are newly-adults, and who project a lack of self-confidence …

to try convincing them that:

a candy bar they stole from Walmart when they were 8 years old … means they will always be “a thief”,

or
a lie they told about the candy bar makes them (as a person):
a “liar”, (again: for the rest of their earthly existence).

Or when he tries to convince them
that:
ever thinking a lustful thought about someone they weren’t married to (“married”, as defined by some randomly specific religious faction) makes them a disgusting, filthy, broken “sinner” …

a quietly tragic disappointment to their Father;
who can’t even stand to look upon them …

but who will “forgive” them and “wash them clean” through faith in MEN
who spread rumors …
about a ritual human sacrifice …

To appease a wrathful, masculine, authoritarian deity … for how disappointed he is … about how he himself made us.

That “offer” being made on this condition:
That young person must surrender authority over their own life (even their very identity) to the “true church” (mainly the leaders of that church)
(who will later be asking for money, and telling you who you should vote for).

He doesn’t see the harm
in saddling them with irrationally-premised and crippling shame … stabbing right at the heart of their ~sense of self~ and sense of worth …

and then offering to RELIEVE the burden he created in the first place …

At the low-low-cost of:
Everything that matters in life … being controlled and exploited
by ~whichever random sect~ the trap-setter happens to work for.

Maybe such trap-setters believe they are a force of good in our world. Maybe.
But that doesn’t change what’s actually happening.

It doesn’t make the results any less damaging.

However, my purpose for talking about this
is not to point fingers at any person or group.
I’m not seeking to “call (anyone) out” for abuse.

I’m addressing this to others who seek to attain (and to maintain)
the objectivity, autonomy, and durability
of the Stoic mind.

As we strive for that, within ourselves, …

We can also make that more attainable for others; even for our own children.

For that, we must recognize and educate about the difference between:
practical measures of productive, situational, temporary shame,
vs
Irrationally-premised, crippling, and long-term shame; especially when it’s used as a way to create unhealthy dependence, as a means to exploit those who are (via that mechanism) rendered dependent.