Join Christianity; Today!

[Ad campaign for both traditional and modern evangelical Christianity; if their "outreach" were actually honest]

 "Kinda think it might be fun to become a colonizer?

How about emulating a left-centric groomer; luring unsuspecting sheep into a literally "owned" identity under a hardcore conservative patriarchy? Have a messiah complex? A martyr complex? Like to provoke people by fucking with their lives, and then cry "VICTIM!" when they stand up to you? Did not Jesus himself ask his Father to "Forgive" the people that the Father-voice told Jesus to intentionally manipulate into killing Jesus? If Jesus can't take responsibility for his own actions, then why should anyone? Can't feel well-defined and "good" except as a contrast to some "bad guy" who is victimizing you? Do you get a perverse sense of joy from that? Do you get all tingly from just thinking about "turning the other cheek"? How about crippling Daddy Issues? Need a larger-than-life father figure whose approval you can WIN by overly-humbling yourself (to the most extremes possible) so that he feels sufficiently grand? Confused and disgusted by your own thoughts and desires? Feel somehow 'permanently stained' for mistakes you made in the distant past? Feel a need to have those mental stains bleached out by some magical cleanser? Feel a need to be "forgiven" for merely being imperfect? Need someone external-to-you (aka: isn't you) to GIVE YOU identity and a sense of validated worth? Do you miss the days of your youth when a parent took responsibility for your life? Do you miss having someone in "authority" always watching you, setting all of your boundaries, and holding you accountable to their pleasure? Do you miss being able to reach UP(!) to a mysteriously empower parental figure who could lift, carry, and comfort you whenever you tripped, fell, and got hurt? How about when you just feel too tired to keep walking under your own power? Do you kinda actually wish you could move into a parent's mansion and live off of their charity forever and ever? Have low-key disdain for marginalized groups? Does it just seem "wrong" when people live and love differently than you? Want a way to market that as "love"? Want to morally posture for a religious culture that places the essential need to protect "Free Will" at the heart of every controversy, but then contradicts that ethic by openly calling for the indoctrination of defenseless children; where their right to self-determination is usurped "for their own good"? Do you rail against moderated social programs in the real world, even though you can hardly wait to go full welfare-society in the next life? Like to complain about how stupid your society is, even though you vote for politicians who promise to keep blocking the people's access to free and affordable education? [taking a deep breath for a very long question] Do you feel a strange urge to support religious organizations that hijack political systems and then try to dismantle every service that provides health-essential needs for the poor, the elderly, and the disabled, while trying to force a BABY BOOM of children born to unqualified and unwilling parents, so that after the system collapses the desperate masses will have no choice but show up at CHURCHES begging for help, so they can be exploited in the crisis you helped create? Is your autonomy a small price to pay, to be relieved of the burdens of adulthood? Do you feel like you could never grow enough to fully adult anyways?

Do you feel like maybe it would be WRONG to even want to become so independent? Isn't THAT what Adam and Eve did that made "Father" so unhappy? Isn't the REASON he brought kids into this world ... so he'd always have (co)dependents helplessly reaching and praising UP(!) to him? Didn't he want to love-and-be-loved by sycophants who will never outgrow their role as children living under the "roof" of his parental authority? Isn't satisfying that desire of HIS the least we could do, to show how much we appreciate being lovingly forced into existence for the sake of his own needs (needs that he "totally doesn't have")? When people FAIL to do that for "Him", doesn't that make those people unworthy OF their life? And shouldn't those people DIE a painful death and then be thrown away like trash forever? Isn't 'taking out the trash' required for establishing a righteous kingdom? Isn't what's RIGHT in the world "the belief that some lives matter less"? Shouldn't we want to exemplify that attitude? Isn't an "enemy" anyone who is an enemy of our God? Isn't an "enemy" of our God anyone who isn't in the one true religion (or "faith")? Can't we "love" those enemies by telling them they are "nothing without *God"? [*an approved-relationship with specifically-our God] Shouldn't we insist that the only way to attain that "relationship" is if they submit to our entitled moral authority over every meaningful facet of their lives? By even QUESTIONING the premise that we prop and cutch our ego upon, aren't they technically attacking us personally? Isn't that why it feels so bad? And wouldn't it carry more weight to say they are finding fault with their God ... when they merely find fault with what we say ABOUT God? Wouldn't it be more efficient just to TELL people what they really think and feel, instead of asking them and listening to their answer? Wouldn't it be great to go through life telling people in other religions that it's wrong for them to rely on the same fallacious reasonings WE use to validate our religion ... EXCEPT when it leads them to agree with our religion? Aren't we tired of people merely noticing that we're emulating(?) Narcissistic Personality Disorder and psychopathy? Isn't that something that only a fatally "final solution" could permanently resolve? What about a deep-seated desire to avoid personal accountability for our own failings and trespasses against others? Wouldn't it be nice to have an innocent, self-abusing scapegoat we could PILE (or, at least, imagine piling) our sins upon, so that when he DIES (or, at least, when we imagine him dying) then our accountability for all those things dies with him? Wouldn't it be great if we (each, individually) could be adopted as heirs of that dead guy... so that we could INHERIT a grossly rich treasure of LIFE and "spiritually" hedonistic BLISS that we didn't even have to EARN, as a result of some innocent, self-abusing guy being tortured to death? Shouldn't such selfish ambition be our highest priority? Good News! We totally can think, live, and LOVE within those limits! And it's all because of Jesus!"